The rumor of my death is greatly exaggerated
by Pegmumm
Summary: Word gets back to Trip that Kelby blew himself up and the record shows that Trip was still chief engineer after a transfer.


Disclaimer: Star Trek: Enterprise is the property of Paramount

I am new to the Star Trek Enterprise universe, having been without a television since the year 2000. The Dvd's were a recent acquisition. Watched the set... then TATV and was appalled at the violation I felt. This is my attempt to make sense of stupidity of the Bobbsey twins' act of revenge on the Star Trek fanbase. As a life long Trekkie, I feel TATV should be omitted from canon. I send my sympathy to the families of the writers for having to live with them on a daily basis.

By the way, this hasn't been beta'd, this is my first submission after being away from writing for 15 years. Reviews are welcome. It's the final scene in a book I am in the process of writing. I will need someone to Beta.

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A voice bellowed from the computer room. T'Pol could hear a fist pounding on the oak desk.

"MOTHERBEAR…….T'POL, ya'all have got to see this. I don't believe it, that bastard Kelby got himself killed."

T'Pol walked into the office from the hallway. "You bellowed, husband? I could hear you in the street. And what outrage has occurred today to incur your wrath?" She walked up to the desk and sat down in Trip's lap. "Why are you not ready? You will be late for work."

"Jonathan just sent me an email. Apparently, according to Starfleet, I am dead."

"But that is illogical, dear. You are here and I can attest to the fact you are not dead. In fact you appear quite lively."

"The Enterprise crew manifests hadn't been updated since we left. They have me listed as dead and you as first officer instead of Shran. Apparently that idiot Kelby did something he thought was heroic. He put 2 plasma conduits together and blew himself and a bunch of pirates to kingdom come. So now the chief engineer of record is listed as dead and they assume it's me. Jonathan is having a fine old time with this. He's givin' me the horse laugh. Apparently a video was made of the whole incident."

"And just what is bothering you about this? So Kelby blew himself into little pieces. Why do you care? You hated him. What has that to do with us?"

"Unless this is straightened out it's going to become history and some schnook is going to write 'Here lies Charles Tucker the 3rd, a schmuck that blew himself up for no good reason.' Man, this frosts my hide."

"Frosts your hide? The images you bring up are amazing, husband."

"Gee, thanks. I knew there would be glitches in my pay rating, the wrong uniforms from the quartermaster and a dozen other mistakes once we transferred here. But this takes the cake. Kelby blows his ass up and historic holographic programs from now until Doomsday are going to show me doing a really stupid thing. And I can't do a thing about it. Kelby was an idiot, I am amazed he survived this long. No matter what I do, it's wrong. I'm callin' Starfleet. I demand this be corrected."

"No, you are right. He was an idiot. He had no affinity for the engines, he was a terrible engineer, he was lazy, opinionated, rude and stupid. Not to mention grandiose and entitled. And he smelled bad." T'Pol kissed her purple faced spouse. "It's not fair, I know. Historians will no doubt wonder at your brilliance and then write you off as a lunatic."

"Oooooh, now I'm a lunatic, huh? Well, you saved yourself with that brilliance comment. But I am not jokin' here. Someday someone is going to rifle through the historic data, find this episode and assume it's gospel without researching it. Can you imagine the wailing and whinging and nashing of teeth? Admittedly Jonathan got to officiate for the creation of the Federation, I can just imagine how they will butchered that… but this death scene takes the cake. My name will be mud. It just makes me furious."

"I can tell, dear. You still are a lovely shade of purple. Well, if you are not going to get ready for work, call the shipyards and tell them you'll be 4 hours late. I intend to enjoy my husband while he still draws breath."

"Four hours? It's only a 5 minute drive and I am not that far behind."

"I have some chores for you to attend to and it is a lovely morning. Meet me in the garden in about 20 minutes. Oh and leave your clothing behind after you shower. You are going to be working very hard to reassure me that you are still alive for the next 3 hours. And I will need a lot of reassurance. I will not take no for an answer." She placed a finger over his lips to silence any protests. " I am feeling insecure since you are listed as dead. You will just have to show me how alive you are… over and over and over. " T'Pol rose from his lap, kissed his nose, turned and sauntered into the hallway. "Remember to make that call."

Trip watched his wife greedily as she walked away. "Just my luck….. " he called after her, "hey, honey… are you sure you're not from Missouri?"


End file.
